Your face is a jimmy john
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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