He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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