Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
