I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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