You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
