end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
