I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize