btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
