This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I need a burrito and a hug.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
