it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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