I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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