i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she peed on how many people?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
