Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize