I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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