every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
