What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
PANTIES FOUND
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