Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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