There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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