She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
