I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
