the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
