god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize