I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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