moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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