I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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