1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
