I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
