I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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