Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
