nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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