As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm too high and old for this...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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