Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
