Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
