So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
