Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
