Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
