I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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