Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
