We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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