First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
