Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
