Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
