Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
