So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
