She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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