suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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