Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
