so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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