So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
