Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
