a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
