she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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