She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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