Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
my poor anus
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
