Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
