remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
