I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
