so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
