Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
