I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
