just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
