How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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