On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
