And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
His nipple licking is glorious
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
