i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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