it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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