Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
